"If you go fast, it will take you all day." There were bumps in the road and if the farmer went too fast, his apples would bounce out of the wagon as he sped over the bumps. So, he’d spend a lot of his day stopping to pick up the apples.
In an era of multi-tasking and pressure to get things done at work, it’s very tempting to ignore or avoid conflict in the name of efficiency and productivity. But such thinking is usually short-sighted if the conflict or difficulty is an important one. Time spent dealing with a problem at the front end usually means time (and emotional energy) saved later on, because ignored problems don’t usually go away. Instead, they get bigger or become the snake under the rug. What an Organization Can Do
Supervisors should be taught not to punish, explicitly or implicitly, those employees who raise important matters. Help them understand that when creativity and decision-making improves as the result of effectively expressed differences, the reflection on the supervisor will be positive.
Leaders must be role models in the effective and open communication of differences. Verbally embracing one value and failing to express it in action undermine that value and its place in the organization.
Give employees the explicit encouragement to speak up. And when they do speak up, don't reprimand, directly or indirectly, when the message is delivered poorly or a hard one to hear. When organizations encourage open communication without putting the systems and support in place to make it effective, employees notice the mixed message.
Help employees develop the skills to confront effectively and give them latitude to improve when they don’t do it very well at first. This goes well beyond a couple of hours of conflict resolution training. Real behavior change takes real commitment to education and support in practicing the new behaviors.
What an Individual Can Do
Develop the courage and commitment to speak up about things that really matter to you. Start cautiously at first if this is uncomfortable territory for you. Don’t take the easy way out. As the Harvard researchers point out, it feels easier to blame the other person, sit back and expect them to make the next move. But in any conflict there are at least two contributors. You’ve got to be willing to take the first step sometimes.
Recognize that while your superiors have formal power over you, you also have power. For example, the success of the organization is influenced, in part, by how well you contribute. Failing to step up to your important conversations means withholding part of what can make your organization successful.
Ask for help. Become an advocate for your own education and support in developing more effective conflict engagement skills.
Breaking the spiral of silence can result in a workplace that has the feel of fresh air, full with possibility and a place we want to be. And with practice and commitment, raising difficult matters becomes easier and begins to become part of the woodwork in an organization, a normal and welcome part of a well-functioning workplace.
Copyright © 2005 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.
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Dr. Tammy Lenski is the author of I Can't Say That!, a popular blog read by women all over the world. A professional mediator, conflict management coach and educator, Tammy works personally with women who want to keep their balance in conflict and step up to the conversations that really matter.
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