What is your view on this piece of writing?
my lil bro (13) just wrote this and wants some opinions.
My lil bro: This is just the first part of a mystery called anguishing skies, its about corruption in the news buisness and kidnapping. and of course theres a detective
While i see the potential for it to be a good piece of writing, there is much needed work. For instance: The following sentences are not sentances. They are considered what english teachers call "Fragment Sentences". In other words, the idea just drops off without a conclusion. Using the word "just" in the first sentence isn’t necessary, inless this sentence is not a first sentence as is actually part of a descriptive paragraph and while telling people what the book or writing is about, it is necessary to form whole paragraphs. For instance: Use 4 sentences to describe the first sentence which should be your main point in the paragraph. Also, there is room for grammer and punctuation correction.
Keep in mind, that i have given you the outlook based on a teacher’s perspective.
I think it’s okay but some grammar issues.
References :
Hmm … it’s very nice! It sure does "capture" some suspense!
References :
http://astrarose.wordpress.com/
well..he’d need to fix the grammar and is it for school ? I’d fix it to: This is just the first part of a mystery called Anguishing Skies. It’s about corruption in the news business and kidnapping, and of course, it involves a detective.
The writing itself is good!!
References :
While i see the potential for it to be a good piece of writing, there is much needed work. For instance: The following sentences are not sentances. They are considered what english teachers call "Fragment Sentences". In other words, the idea just drops off without a conclusion. Using the word "just" in the first sentence isn’t necessary, inless this sentence is not a first sentence as is actually part of a descriptive paragraph and while telling people what the book or writing is about, it is necessary to form whole paragraphs. For instance: Use 4 sentences to describe the first sentence which should be your main point in the paragraph. Also, there is room for grammer and punctuation correction.
Keep in mind, that i have given you the outlook based on a teacher’s perspective.
References :